Raising a daughter in this silly world is something I think about a lot. How to give her - or rather - prevent the destruction of - her fundamental sense of self-worth. Lucky for her, she seems to have a
head start.
Of course, I made a List, to help me Think:
- How to give her an education in feminist history and politics, without letting her fall into the idea trap that "men" - as though half the population could somehow be grouped together and ascribed the same motives and behaviour - are the enemy.
- How to raise her above the inevitable changing of her own body (without alienating her from her body) so she does not irretrievably tie her identity to her form at any given point in her life - it is especially tricky to help her avoid becoming too dependent on her beauty.
- How to allow her to maintain her shameless childhood understanding of her body as a useful and beautiful tool - not an ornament - that must be nurtured, cared for, and appreciated.
- How to give her an education in how the media works - who is pumping out these strange images of women (corporations), why they do it (money), how to protect her psyche from them (humour, critical thought, self-worth)
- How to give her a healthy view of love and sexuality, and the inner strength to reject people she may encounter who do not, and who expect her to spend her time attempting to conform to the corporate image.
Lately some things going on in my own life have caused me to really Furrow the Brow and think harder about these things, and about what sort of example I really set...at what point healthy pride-of-self crosses into neurosis, and how to communicate to my daughter that rejection of distorted female role models doesn't imply that taking care of your body isn't important.
In particular, the transition from maiden to mother changes our bodies, and our experience of being within them, in profound ways.
I was struck with a sense of the miraculous, to witness and experience my own body switching on its strange, fragile machinery, so suddenly and powerfully, building my child within me, each complicated and mysterious process perfectly timed in sequence...it's simply astonishing that it goes so perfectly, as often as it does.
After my children were born, I discovered I was changed, and discovered for the first time that other women were changed too. Somehow, even in my 'alternative' sphere of operations, I had never been familiarized with these changes. It's time to re-normalize what normal, healthy women look like at all stages of their lives.
One excellent site working hard to do this is
The Shape of a Mother. One can't help but notice though, how most of the pictures are faceless, anonymously sent in. Sending in a real photo of your real body is so radical, so terrifying, it must be done anonymously.
What a sad, pathetic commentary that is on the world. The world my beautiful, strong, healthy daughter will inherit.
HW
